Wow, I never thought i would resort to this sort of ecasping. But alas, here I am, in a safe place, where none of my family or nor my so called friends, can read my most inner thoughts, or deepest fears, or heart wrenching moments. none. just me myself and i are invited to this group, and no one else.
So today my husband and i got into a fight, because he tried popping my back and ending nearly knocking the air out of me, and then decided it was a good time to try and tickle me. which in response to that, I told him to knock it off and after he didnt, i flailed around and hit his leg. to which response I got "why did you hit me?" and before I could even get a word in edge wise besides, "because you were tickleing me-" he walks out of the room. I'm kinda irratated at this point and i get into stubborn mode. Im laying on the bed trying to sort it all out in my head, who was justified and who was wrong, and if we were both wrong, and if so, why do I always have to be the one to apologize first, why cant he do it for once. He finally comes back in the room, gathers his stuff and leaves. only to return five minutes later, lean against the bed and say
" It boggles my mind that I can work a 12 hr shift, get off work, do everything i can to make it a perfect valentines for you, and in a 24 hour period, you think its okay to hit me." And then turns around and leaves.
I felt absolutely crushed. sure, I had hit him, ON THE LEG, and yeah, I hadnt apologized for it and the first 10 minutes like he expected of me. But really? did you have to bring up working a 12 hr shift and then 'making it a perfect valentines for YOU' on top of it? was that really called for? Im not really sure. But it hurt like hell. God, I cannot wait to go back to work. There is nothing i hate more then some damn guy holding it over his wifes head that hes the one who provides for the family and all that shit. Its like, fine, if you feel that way I'll go get my own money and you pay for your stuff and I will pay for mine.
How about for once, you STOP when I ASK YOU and then TELL YOU TO STOP. and then, I wont hit you. But I did feel bad, because I know he really didnt mean anything by it. Its not like he set out to piss me off, or hurt my back, or my feelings. In the eyes of a man, he was probably justified in doing what he was doing. saying what he was saying. How could i possibly be mad at him for it? Well, I couldn't, I apologizeed, I got over it..kinda, and moved on to cleaning the house.
it didnt help the day any when I tried remember what my pin number for my card was and exceeded the number of times you can try. Thusfore locking down my debit card. So much for a nice dinner to make up for things, sorry sweetie, looks like to tomato soup and...tomato soup for dinner tonight. But, because of Feb 14th, Valentines day, I felt bad because he got me two cards, a stuffed animal, a rose, and a box of candies for V-day and I only got him a card, so that night (14th ) I told him I'd make him his favorite cake the next day (today) so I gathered up my coins, rode my bike to the store, and bought him a cake and frosting to go with it, in quarters. its funny, cause I use to work a grocery store, and many a time I told my co-workers that if I had to pay in quarters, I didnt really need it. But there I was, paying in quarters. What goes around comes around, as they say.
But I wasnt about to not make his cake for him. i felt bad too, cause i was going to make it homemade, but... cant really do that when your payin in quarters... I hope he doesnt mind a cake out of a box =/
Well all in all, I still love him. He pisses me off, sometimes, just cause he doesnt think passed his pain. but then again, which one of doesnt. oh well, hopefully this evening things will be better right? We can always strive to do better I suppose, myself included.
Neko Neko, signing off
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