well, im back from Hawaii. I'm sad... things have gotten much worse this everything has gone down. my brother is officially moving to Florida. I'm happy but at the same time I'm not.
I'm scared for my soul... im not a good person, im terrible. i dont love my sister anymore... when i think of her, i think of her in the sense that alot of people think of their dead loved ones... i only remember the sister that i knew and not the one that is currently in my life. Is she even in my life? i dont ever talk to her, i dont ever see her...last time i saw her was in Hawaii and that was all well and good but before that...i saw her twice, and those time were both with that despicable person that she now calls her mate.
i dont even understand whats happening.. i dont know what to do, its all too disturbing. i wish somehow that i could rewind time, be a better sister, be there for her more, listen so that when this time came, she could come to me for wisdom and advice; maybe i could have pushed her onto the right path... i dont know anymore, its so hard to see where we could have done better. Its more of a question, would she have even let us help? i dont know that either, i will never no probably.
The things and the decisions that we make in life... i hope i do better, i hope im more strong for my friends, and help them make right decisions. I hope i surround myself with people who are positive, God fearing people...
Lord, help me to do beter... help me to become stronger...
Lord, also help me be a better wife. help me be ther person you would love for me to be. Help me be a better daughter to you... to listen to you when you try to tell me something. And do that with a glad heart. thank you for all your blessings Lord.
Your daughter, Neko
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